If You Pray for Patience....Look out!!

Yesterday, in our community small group, I asked for prayers for patience with Seth during this somewhat challenging stage of development. There is no mistaking that he is two now! Throughout the course of today, he has marked on our freshly painted yellow walls with black ink, covered both of his little legs and shirt with half a jar of Vaseline, dumped half a bag of pretzels all over the floor, and then spilled water all over the kitchen floor and proceeded to rub his head and bottom all in it.

I promptly sent an email to my small group and asked them to STOP praying for patience for me.

I have always heard that when you ask God to develop a virtue in you, then you need to hold on tight! God is a God of love and He loves to watch His children grow in Him, which in turn grows you closer to Him. Which also means there are no quick fixes. In order for me to grow more patient with Seth, then God is going to give me opportunities to develop my patience. I have learned that God is not a genie. That is not how He works. He isn't just going to say, "Poof! Now, Amy, you have abundant patience." I believe that He is more of an "on the job training" sort of God. Something that He has shown me every day since He called me into motherhood. You know the saying, "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the Called." Well, I am living proof that those are not just empty words.

The advantage of going through a difficult stage with a second born is that you have the experience to know that it doesn't last forever. And the wisdom to know that challenging times do not define your child or you, as a parent. The child will eventually learn boundaries and through trial and error, also learn that telling your mommy, "no," will get you absolutely nowhere. They are learning. And it takes time. And it is normal. These were the key things that I was very ignorant of the first time around with Caleb. When he first started exhibiting signs of defiance and constantly pushing the limits, I could only conclude that I was either a horrible mother or that I had a child who would end up behind bars before kindergarten. Or both.

I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I want to handle things a bit differently this time around. Poor first born guinea pigs. My heart is grieved when I reflect back on a season where I seemed to constantly yell at Caleb. At times, I was just plain angry and overwhelmed with my job as a mom and my outlet was verbally spewing out my frustration. I am not proud of it, but I share it because God has redeemed it! In my weakness, He showed His awesome glory. And all the glory is His!

"Consider it a joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so you can be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." James 1:2-5 (NIV)

I went through a low season and God brought me out of that season. During that time, I lost all resolve and said, "I give up!! This is the mom I am. I am that yelling mom. That angry mom." I would pray for God to guard Caleb's heart when I would get angry and thought that would be enough. It wasn't. That is not what God wanted for me. Remember, He is a God of love and He wanted me, His child, to not live in bondage to this mold in which I had placed myself. James 1:20 says, "For man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." I remember the day that God looked into my face and said, "No, you are not THAT mom. You are angry and overwhelmed and you need to take responsibility that this is not appropriate and does not belong in your home. It is sin. This anger and yelling is not the way, but TRUST ME, lean on me, TALK TO ME, and I will help you." And just like growing patience, he did not automatically turn my child into a perfect angel who never broke the rules or tested his boundaries. No, instead, he changed me. I repented and He changed my heart. In the moments of frustration when all I wanted to do was scream, He gently nudged me and said, "I am here. Let me take this from you. Don't scream at your child; go hug him. He just needs a little reassurance. Just like you do." And in the moments that I fell on my face, I was able to show Caleb what it meant to truly repent and pray to God for help. I am able to teach and show my children appropriate behavior, just as my heavenly Father has shown me. The process continues; there are good days, there are bad days, and then there are the extremes on either end. But at the end of the day, we are all okay. And our identities are not found in how we acted that day or if we had it together. No, our identities are found in Christ alone.

I have always thought that through Caleb, God has taught me to truly love. And through Seth, God has taught me true gentleness. I am a work in progress. And I am thankful that God loves me enough to work on and through me.

Again, I am embarking on a new season with Seth. A new challenge. But God has equipped me and I am holding tight to Him and His promises to give wisdom generously. Will I do it right? Not always. Will I slip up? Certainly. Will I still yell from time to time? Probably. Will I give up? No.


And you know, Vaseline is not very easy to get off of a little boy, but it is easier than getting black ink off of a wall. It took three coats of paint to cover up Seth's "artwork." But on a brighter note, Seth does have really, really soft skin now as the result of his Vaseline bath.

And on an even brighter note, I did not raise my voice throughout any of my "patience building" sessions today. Now, that is God at work! A God who keeps His promises. I know God is doing a work in me and I am grateful.

I love you, Sethie, even though you are, at times, driving me crazy right now. But that is okay. This too shall pass and I know it will be all right.