Fancy

It is not very often that I get all dolled up, but last night was Bridges annual fundraising benefit, so I thought I would fancy myself up for the occasion.  Each year, they have a big decade themed gala type event to raise funds for the agency. It is always a lot of fun!  This year, the theme was the roaring 20s and All that Jazz.

I really don't mind getting dressed up, but getting dressed up in costume is really NOT my thing.  Luckily, I had just the dress in my closet that would go right along with the era.  I had bought it last Spring for a wedding, and it was a layered style and could semi-pass for a flapper-isk type of dress.  Or at least I thought so and went for it.  Score for me!  No shopping and no extra buckage to dole out.  I was set.  Now also remember, my idea of fancy is still pretty basic.  I decided not to indulge in any 20s style accessories, because I knew I would never wear them again. I just threw a strand of pearls around my neck, fluffed up my hair, and that was my get-up.

Well, I guess there was one little indulgence that I gave in to.  And I had no idea the impact it would have on Caleb. 

I have always bitten my fingernails.  It is a yucky habit that I have spent a lifetime trying to break to no avail.  Sometimes I am embarrassed by my hands, but I guess that has never been enough motivation to get me to kick the habit.  There are seasons where I have grown out my nails, but unfortunately, for the sake of last night, I am not currently in one of those seasons.  So...I got super duper fancy and put on some new nails. 

Don't get too excited.  I had actually bought a package of press-on nails, on the fly, for a wedding last year and still had half of the box left.  To my surprise, they looked really good, and since I didn't anticipate anyone doing a thorough investigation of my hand, they looked pretty close to professional.  Or at least from the acceptable hand viewing distance. I think this little indulgence cost me a whopping $5.00.  They were already pre-french manicured, so there wasn't even any polishing involved.  I did, however, spring for a new nail polish for my toe nails.  So, I probably broke the bank at $8.00 total.

Anyway, this all brings me to my conversation with Caleb tonight.  He, Seth, and I were sitting together reading before bedtime and I noticed that his eyes were fixated on my hands.  I realized that he was probably trying to figure out how my nails had grown so quickly and so I explained to him that I had put fake nails on for the party last night.  He was a bit puzzled and I went on to tell him that I wanted to look "fancy."  He got an odd look on his face and then got really quiet.  Then his little eyes welled up with tears. 

Now, I was puzzled.  And I am not sure what Seth was thinking about the whole exchange, but he was sitting quietly watching it all unfold.

"Mom, God doesn't care what you look like,"  were the words that came from my son.

"Yes, I know, honey.  But sometimes, I want to do a little something to make myself look better."

"But I like you just the way you are." Then came the full blown sobs.  "Your fingernails look just fine to me."   How could my heart not melt?  Caleb was being so tender, which made it even sweeter, because he is not usually my sensitive one.

"Mom, I know it is silly, but fancy people can be parsh."  (I think he actually meant harsh, but this probably wasn't the time for a vocabulary lesson.)

"Well, Caleb, just because someone is fancy, it doesn't mean they are p/harsh.  And just because Mommy puts on fake nails for a couple of days, that doesn't mean that I am any different.  I am still Momma.  Nothing has changed on the inside."

This seemed to comfort him, but he still went on to solify his stance, "I don't like these new fingernails.  Your own fingernails are beautiful."

After I put him to bed, it really made me think about how we often change things or doll up for "everyone" else, when the people who matter the most could care less.  Sometimes, I think I am a real frump and should invest a little more in two things that I have very little interest in...fashion and style.  Then I think about this conversation with my love.   Caleb sees me as plain ole Mom and that is beauty to him.  It is interesting, because during a conversation with Eric last night, he mentioned that although the little fancy additions are nice, they aren't really important to him.  More times than not, he probably doesn't even notice the nails or the eye shadow (which I REALLY only break out on a special occasion).  That doesn't mean that he doesn't compliment me when I put forth the extra effort to look extra nice.  But he also tells me how beautiful I look in my church clothes or when we are just headed out to play tennis together. He likes to remind me that he fell in love with me when my hair was in a ponytail and I was wearing a Cracker Barrel apron.

Beauty looks different to different people.  And if your beauty is working for you and the people you love and who love you back, then why mess with it?  I totally appreciate how well some of my friends accessorize and pull together great outfits, but it really isn't for me.  I will doubtfully ever be the woman who loves to shop and adores putting "a look" together.  I don't really have an eye or interest for such things, and that's okay.  That doesn't mean that I won't ever put on a fancy dress or eye shadow again.  And I might even throw on the press-on nails occassionally.  But I will also remember that when I throw my hair up in a ponytail and run out of the house in my sweats and a T-shirt that is at least five years old, I am looking pretty good to the loves of my life.

Yeah...told you I was fancy.