Preschooler on the Way!

I was caught off guard by the amount of emotion that overcame me while I was filling out Seth's registration for preschool this morning. I have been so consumed with the fact that my first born will begin kindergarten in a few months and mentally trying to prepare myself for that whole cryfest, that the little issue of my second born hitting an education milestone of his own has taken a back seat.  Those poor second borns!  I would have more mommy guilt about this except for the fact that I am a second born myself and know that we get to play our second born card in other areas, and it all equals out in the end.

I have just recently started talking to Seth about starting school.  It really has snuck up on me.  He was not really game at first, but he has come around, especially since he realizes that the playground that Biz gets to play on at school will soon be his playground at school.  However, he doesn't understand quite yet that he is not going with his brother to kindergarten. While filling out the application, we talked about how much fun he would have in the fall when he gets to go to big boy school.  Seth kept getting more and more excited about going to "kindergarten." My heart kept getting heavier and heavier.  Although I have looked forward to the time when I would consistently have a few hours to myself, I just did not realize it would come so quickly.  I will finally be able to attend field trips and class parties with free hands and eyes on only one child. I will be able to go to the grocery alone, if I choose.  I will actually be able to go to the bathroom alone. I will no longer constantly have a little side kick with me every where I go, as I have for the past five and a half years. 

Yes, a season is coming to an end.  And I am a little sad. 

I am also so happy.  Happy that my children have grown into little boys who are eager to explore their world and make new friends. Happy that they have been blessed with the physical and mental ability to leave our little nest without the constant need for me.  Happy that they have grown to be independent enough to feel secure when they are away from home on a regular basis and really happy that they are excited when we can be back together again as a family.  Happy that over the past five and a half years, I have been learning what it means to truly give my kids to the Lord (I mean, after all, they are His anyway) and know that He is protecting them and watching over them, even when they are not in my ear shot.  God loves my children, even more than Eric and I do, and He has been growing me, just as much as He has them, over the years, so that I can gracefully allow them to go.

I know, I know, they are not leaving home for good.  But they will be leaving home more often and we will be away from each other longer than we have been before.  It will be a change.  And change is hard.


And I am a little sad.  I am going to be beside myself the morning I have to send Caleb off to kindergarten and the morning I walk Seth into preschool for the first day. And walk out without holding a little boy's hand...for the first time. I will cry the whole way home.  But it is only because it will be the end of a season.  A season that I did not choose to enter, but one that has been the greatest blessing in my life. A season that has brought the greatest challenges of my life and the most unbelieveable joy. A season in which I have grown more than I ever dreamed I would.  A season where I have learned to trust my God in Heaven above anything, even above myself. 

Oh, God, you are good.  You are so good! 

This guy is ready for Kindergarten, but hopefully, we can talk him into going to preschool first.