Not Defeated

One word describes how I felt by the end of the day last Friday: Defeated.

It had been a long day, one that involved trips to three different grocery stores, a visit with the doctor for a routine check-up for each boy (in which Caleb got quite dramatic over having his finger pricked to draw blood), and Seth eating very little lunch and later refusing to eat dinner. I was not surprised that the doctor suggested that Seth needed more calories in his day. Don't let that big belly deceive you; apparently, it is only filled with fluff and needs more substance. Again, not surprised, since my picky little second born refuses to eat most things that are placed before him and often cries when anything nutritious comes his way. It has been most frustrating and something I was not prepared for since Caleb has always been a champion eater. He is not afraid to try anything new and actually loves his fruits and veggies. I wasn't prepared, however, for the doctor to tell me that Caleb's hemoglobin was low and that he needs more iron. Ironically, the child who doesn't eat had iron within normal limits.

Now, I don't usually get worked up over things like this. I know that God is the true substainer of my children. I know that He can provide what they need even if they are not holding up their end of the bargain by eating what is on their plate. I know that my identity as a parent is not found in how well my children eat...good or bad. Yes, I know these things, but in my weakness on Friday, my own thoughts of being an inadequate mother who could not property nourish my children, took over my better reasoning and temporarily blinded me to the promises of the Lord. And also blinded me to the fact that I needed to drop to my knees and give thanks that we are blessed to have two healthy children who just need a couple of easy fixes to get those deficiencies remedied. There I go again...making everything about me.

Since having my own picky eater, my eyes have become open to a lesson that I feel God is teaching me. I had made my children's eating an idol and had somehow thought that since Caleb ate so well, that I could take some kind of credit and glory for that and that since I had done such a superb job with my first child then my second one would surely follow suit. Yeah, as if it was my own doing in the first place. I didn't realize how judgemental (and wrong) I had been when I would see a parent bribe a child to eat or give in when a child wouldn't eat the healthier option. In my naivity, I thought that as a parent I could truly make my child eat the "right" things, simply because I had authority over him and if I sat there long enough and didn't give in, then he would eat everything on his plate. Spoken very ignorantly by a mom who had a first born who was an easy eater. That may work with a four-year-old, but my 20 month old (who is just learning healthy eating concepts) has no concept of bargaining yet, so it is a lost cause. And although it is my job to still present him with healthy choices (and creatively hide healthy food in things he will eat), it is impossible and unhealthy to try force him to eat. Plus, it simply doesn't work...with my little guy anyway.


But God, being the wonderful, merciful, constant teacher that He is, will show you the things in your life that need to be eliminated, the areas in your life that you have made into idols, and the things that you are truly not giving over to God. To seek Him and to serve Him involves laying down those idols and having full faith in Him to be the sustainer of life and also knowing that any good that is in me (including having a good, healthy eater), comes from Him. I had wrongly assumed glory upon myself when my children were eating healthy and tried to control the situation without God when they weren't. I had been praying about Seth's eating, but I had not truly been giving that area of my life over to the Lord. So, I confess that I HAD, indeed, made good nutrition an idol.

So, I am not defeated! I can lay down that idol at the foot of the cross. I have a Father in Heaven who wants to take this burden from me and does so very lovingly. He is in control and now that I am more relaxed at meal time, Seth is more relaxed. This weekend, he ate much better. I know it won't be like that every day or even every week, but I now trust that it will be taken care of. Thank you Lord, for demonstrating your patience with me so that I can pour that upon my children.